Leaving Normal To Find Normal

 

Not sure just quite where I am at, this morning. Been a very full week, especially for a quasi-hermit. There is a part of me that wants to get back to normal, but normal isn’t what or where it was before. At least, not what and where it has been for the last couple of years. But, like most people, there is also a part of me that wants to leave normal, turn my back, and just head out.

But then the question arises, when one leaves normal, where the hell does one go? Because one can bet that bottom buck, that wherever one goes, one will immediately start setting up some form of normal all over again. We are such simple creatures, and most determinedly set about making complexities out of most of what we think and do.

Reality is, I left normal almost two months ago. Circumstances kicked me out of the place I had been in, and put me somewhere else. Then, last week, in an attempt to regain some normalcy, I did something that was quite normal for me to do. I wrote something, and posted it. And that in turn, kicked me out again and landed me in this new place. Butt sore and a bit tired, I’m just not sure what or where this new place is. And there is a sort of misty speculation about whether or not this is even a new place.

See what I mean about creating complexities out of simplicity? Okay, so now I am in a familiar place that looks a lot different than it was the last time I was here. It’s actually just a bit wider and that’s not bad. Wider will probably mean new things, but because this is a familiar place, I still have the comfort of some sense of normal in which to operate. I think I’m making progress here, maybe.

The curves are widening out, getting smoother and easier to manipulate. The terrain is flattening and I can actually see a bit more than when I was doing the hair-pin curves at speed and just trying to hang on and catch my breath. The dust is settling, the held breath is slowing down and it looks like I’ve found a normal pace again. That’s a good girl, pat yourself on the back.

But, now the question is: Is normal a place, space, pace, or just a feeling? Or is it all of these and more? And the thought occurs that maybe we have to leave normal, occasionally, just so we can find it again. Life is never a still point. Even when it feels that way, it is still moving, evolving, and being life. Oh yes, we’d like for some of those moments to be, or get extended, but reality is that life doesn’t stop and we move on with it. That, or we find ourselves attending a great many funerals.

And with that one word, I’m back inside reality again. It was a funeral that kicked me out of normal to begin with, and now I’m here in my normal place. The pace has definitely been altered, and the space seems far wider, much emptier, yet fuller, the feelings have been expanded, or contracted, depending on the moment, but the place itself hasn’t changed all that much.

That is because what is normal is me, being me. Leaving normal wasn’t a choice, as I said, it was foisted upon me. Reaching back for it, trying to regain it is also normal, a natural reaction. Finding a huge sink hole between the me that was before, and the me that is now, is also normal. It might not appear that way, or even remotely feel that way, but it is. So there is no other choice than to face forward and get on with getting on and being me, again. Living the best I can inside the fragile skin that contains me and normal.

I have no doubt that there will be more sink holes appearing on my path. More high speed curves, more alterations in feelings and temperature. But it is also comforting to know that leaving normal, and finding other, I will always take normal with me. I can even hear that change jingling in my pocket. Change is good and it might even allow me to buy some ice cream along the way. Now, that is soooo normal.

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About 1sojournal

Loves words and language. Dances on paper to her own inner music. Loves to share and keeps several blogs to facilitate that. They can be found here: https://1sojournal.wordpress.com/ http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/ http://claudetteellinger.wordpress.com/
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13 Responses to Leaving Normal To Find Normal

  1. Jane Olinger says:

    Hi Elizabeth–

    At moments like this, I try to remember the Zen concept that permanence is the illusion, change the inevitable reality. Of course, this is not easy to accept at times, but it can be a major awakening. How freeing to let go of holding on!

    Jane

    Like

  2. 1sojournal says:

    Hi Jane,

    just listened to this and it means a great deal. Hope you enjoy:

    Elizabeth

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    • Jane Olinger says:

      Beautiful song, beautiful voice. I’ve heard that before, maybe on TV?

      Aside from the meaning, hers is the kind of music I really love. You might want to check out Emily Barker and Caroline Herring.

      Thanks.

      Jane

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      • 1sojournal says:

        This particular song has been a favorite stand-by for several years. At first I knew nothing but the end chorus and loved it anyway. Then found it on Youtube, listened and learned it. It comes in handy at moments like these, lol.Especially the last verse about the song being her diary and the feelings attached.

        Elizabeth

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  3. 1sojournal says:

    Jane,

    But, then there’s this one for such obvious reasons

    or this one just for fun

    All of them were brought to me by my youngest daughter, spur of the moment gifts that always came just at the moment I needed them. And I’ll now go and check out the two you told me about. Music has always been a big part of my synchronicity, since long before I ever heard the word or began to understand its meanings.

    Elizabeth

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    • Jane Olinger says:

      Hi Elizabeth–

      Thank you for my songs. I’ve never watched the videos of those and liked them both, especially the fireflies.

      I finally got back to writing some morning pages–not every morning, but it is like coming home. I’ve missed them.

      Jane

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      • 1sojournal says:

        Hi Jane,

        and I’ve missed our email exchanges, but have also temendously enjoyed what has been keeping me busily satisfied.

        I skipped my morning pages the other day, and couldn’t get to sleep that night, until I did them. I know what you mean.

        About the songs, My youngest daughter called me yesterday to sing a song to me that she just wanted me to hear. Funny thing is, I had heard the song a few days earlier and two of the lines kept repeating themselves in my head. She could tell me the name and artist. See what I mean about the synchronicity? The best part of it was that the song, the words, helped me gain a new perspective on an old hurt. Finally see my own responsibility for healing that wound.

        Thanks for commenting, you always make me think, and help me to remember,

        Elizabeth

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  4. Elizabeth, I can relate to the leaving normal/back to normal state. I leave normal all the time, rarely is this of my own volition. Often it bears fruit, whether in poetry, in a song, or in finding a new person who shares the journey.

    Sorry it was a funeral that knocked you off your horse, but you saddled up again, and that’s what counts. Of course, the horse may not want to follow your chosen trail, and that also makes life interesting! Amy

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  5. 1sojournal says:

    Amy,

    I couldn’t agree with you more. Except about the horse. Unless it was a shetland pony and I could drag my feet on the ground, I doubt I would manage to get in the saddle. I really don’t do heights very well.

    Now if we were talking about my 13 year old car, you’d be right on track. It’s a lovely little piece of machinery with a definite head strong opinion about stopping and starting, lol. And it most certainly does make life interesting.

    Very glad you stopped and hope to see you along the path of ‘our’ journey, again soon,

    Elizabeth

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  6. Farah says:

    I wish I knew what normal was myself. Sometimes I think it is a way of things existing that we have gotten used to for a while–simple, but when that way gets shaken up, we’re forced to piece everything together again. I hope you find your new “normal” again soon.

    Like

    • 1sojournal says:

      Helloooooooo Farah,

      I started grinning as soon as I saw your pic. It’s been too long. My new normal is, hmmm not sure I actually have words for it, lol. An adventure that is familiar but new all at the same time? Doing the same things but in a totally different way? Being the new kid on the block, but older than the rest? Lol, I could go on, but I’d rather talk. Do you still have my email address? If so, I think I have something to share with you that might be interesting to both of us. Let me know, okay?

      Elizabeth

      Like

  7. 1sojournal says:

    Farah,

    thanks, I got it, and you should have mine by now. I’m a bit excited, hope you feel the same.

    Elizabeth

    Like

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