In response to Claudette’s Weekly Writing Challenge #8: Inner World
Have you ever had one of those days where you suddenly felt as though you unwittingly stepped through an invisible curtain and into an alternate Universe? Where everything seems the same, but it’s just a smidgeon out of sync? Like maybe you fell asleep for a moment and didn’t know it? And although you try to catch up, all you find is more of the same?
I can only hope that at least a few of you are nodding your heads in agreement. If not, I may be in an alternate Universe without a map or hope of getting back. I have just spent an hour doing some backtracking in my journal. Trying my best to figure out where I might have misstepped. That doesn’t mean I was rereading old pages.
As a matter of fact, I was writing on the current page and suddenly realizing those feelings I just wrote about. Several things occurred yesterday. Each one separate and distinct, yet all of them felt just that bit strange, just that bit out of sync. Because they happened at different times, and in different places, I didn’t really connect it all up until I was writing this morning. Backtracking on yesterday.
What does it mean to backtrack and why would anyone do such a thing? Backtracking is simply going back and checking the trail you have already covered. Looking for anything that might have been forgotten, misplaced, or even overlooked. In some realms, it is used to secure ones further progress. The fox is noted for traveling back in his own footprints, or those of others, to confuse any would be hunters.
But, you might say, we aren’t foxes, we are human beings. Just because we happen to be of another species, doesn’t mean we can’t learn a great deal from others that share, and exist within, the world we inhabit. For the fox, backtracking is an important aspect of continued survival. It could very well be the same for any individual.
Okay, so here I am, nose to the page, sniffing out what occurred yesterday, before setting off into today. What I found was a bit of confusion, multiplied, until I got just plain tired and withdrew. Withdrew into the world of color with the hopes of soothing slightly jangled nerve endings. At first, I thought it wasn’t working. The image didn’t come out the way I had originally seen it in my head. That happens a lot.
But it doesn’t mean failure. Colors speak, even as one is laying them down on paper. I have a tendency to listen. So, even though it didn’t proceed in the fashion I had intended, it did actually tell a story. And amazingly enough, the story had to do with what had occurred earlier in the day. Ahh, another form of backtracking, done, more or less, on an unconscious level.
I am not going to go into all of the details. That might be for another day, even another site. Suffice to say, I did complete the image. Wasn’t really satisfied and turned to another one. Knew what I wanted and found it. Didn’t finish it, but got a good start, and best of all, the ease I had been looking for to begin with. But all of that stayed in the back of my mind as I was journaling this morning. And it was well worth the backtracking on all levels.
I could just as easily have let that knot of confusion sit, stay tangled and tied up. But, that would have meant I’d be tired again today. Not the way to start a new day, at least not the way I want to start a new day. What was tied up in that knot is my energy level. To leave it sit and try to move forward is to hamper my own progress. So a few minutes of backtracking is well worth the effort to insure my own sense of security as I traverse this new space called today.
My inner world is a fascinating and rich tapestry of color, wild creatures, memory, and even a few fire-breathing dragons. It is woven together with a thread of words that often asks questions, creates new and different definitions, as well as formulating possible answers. Confusion, like a heavy velvet curtain, can obstruct that view, muffle whatever message might be emanating from within it. I personally think that would be a loss, not just to me, but to the small piece of the world I inhabit.
We all have an inner world, that private space within our psyche. Some of us ignore it completely, others, like myself, find a great deal to be learned in exploring all of its nooks and crannies. The kind of backtracking I have been discussing here, couldn’t take place without some knowledge of its existence. The backtracking I did this morning paid off in a release from that knot of confusion as that heavy velvet curtain slid back on its well-oiled rollers.
What did I find? Perhaps another dragon.