Embarrassing Predicament

Whoa! You are not in the wrong place. If you are seeking 1sojournal, you are right where you wanted to be. New face, but still the same old voice. Sit down and let me tell you about how I put myself into an embarrassing predicament.

When I started this blog, three months ago, I was filled with idealistic concepts of how it would and should be, but especially how it should look. When I finally got on the work page, I realized I knew little or nothing about how to set up the page itself. The first thing I did was explore the many themes offered, and the different formats that went with them. I looked at each and every one of them, and then slowly made my way back, just to make sure the one I had in mind, really suited those ideals I mentioned. I wanted something a bit out of the ordinary, yet simple. A bit sophisticated, but not too much so that it might simply hit the reader as stand offish. It had to reflect me, my personality, and the things I care deeply about.

I was pretty sure I had found that in the theme that kept running through my mind as I viewed all the rest. It was simple enough that I could handle it and learn while I was actually writing the blog. It was black with white print and that spoke to me of a bit of sophistication and satisfied me on several levels. Black is the color that absorbs all others. It is the sponge of colors, and I wanted this space to invite and make room for any and all who might be interested. I can’t wear black because it makes me look tired and drawn, but I have always admired those who can and do so with ease. That, in turn, speaks to me of a certain level of confidence and ease with ones self. And I certainly wanted to project just such an aura.

It was, at that point, that I discovered the actual name of the theme I was in the process of choosing. Chaotic Soul. Now that was 100% perfect for what I had in mind. It was my intention to create a blog that would lend support and encouragement to anyone who might want to keep a journal and learn all the advantages of doing such a thing. I believe that writing daily is the key to getting to know ones own soul and learning how to carry on a life long conversation with that still small voice from within. For me, maintaining a journal is the very essence of Soul Work, and it is how I approach it and reap the rewards inherent in that process. It never occurred to me that the name of the theme might be a reflection of my own person, striving to create an appearance that doesn’t quite fit, or suit, my reality. Ooops.

So, I created my blog. I was inordinately pleased with its look and the manner in which it was progressing from a wishful thought, into its own reality. A dream fulfilled is nothing to sneeze at. The best part was that it was actually attracting a modest number of readers. More satisfaction. Things were running very smoothly indeed. My labor of love was bearing fruit.

There was only one minor glitch. It began as a small inconvenience and I was more than willing to adjust myself to continue. My nose was getting closer and closer to my monitor screen, as the days and weeks went by. I found myself, more and more often, wiping off the screen in hopes of seeing it better. I was attending, with care, this new garden I was growing. But, it finally became quite clear that I still can’t wear black, virtually or otherwise. I was straining to see the words I was publishing every other day. And if that was true for me, might it not also be true for those readers I so wanted to encourage? I, with my idealistic concepts was actually, perhaps, impeding the progress I had worked so hard to obtain. How very embarrassing.

I suppose, I could have martyred my eyesight for this just cause I had created, but what purpose would that have served? Certainly not the one I was so staunchly putting out all that energy to fulfill. Nothing for it, but to admit my error and create a space that is actually conducive to said cause, and allow my pride to be taken in a few notches. Especially that pride about doing this new and daring thing at my age. My age that means a slow incremental decrease in physical abilities, if not others. So, here I am, foolishly admitting that I made a major mistake in reasoning. What value is a blog that I myself will eventually not be able to read, thus continue writing?

Which brings us to this new face I am wearing. I spent as much time over the last few days, perusing the themes, as I did that first time around. Found this one, which is far more readable for my own person, and hopefully for those readers who come to see what I have to say. I think it is fresher looking, simpler, and clearer than the first one. I have kept the original banner, in hopes that anyone who comes looking will find at least that bit of familiarity without moving on because they think they have accidentally happened on the wrong page or destination.

And the name of this new theme, I have chosen? Which, by the way, proves that I am still going more for  appearances rather than definitions. The name of this present theme is Contempt. Now, I am sure that that is short for contemporary, but at first glance, I could hear the laughter bubbling up from that still small voice inside of me. Point taken. One can only hope that I haved learned the lesson. If not, all I have to do is come back here and see this bright white page with black lettering. White which symbolizes innocence, which in turn equals ignorance in need of experience. Now where have I seen that before?

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